#depressed

You know that moment when you really just need someone…anyone to talk to….but no one is there……..yeah welcome to my world 24/7……

I’m scared…..

…..I’m terrified… The thought of losing my family because or a religious believe scares me to death. I love my family, but the choices I have made they don’t agree with and the thing is I have hidden the biggest thing possible from them…..something that is bound to happen any time now….I’m not ashamed that my future husband is a atheist. I love him and I honestly could care less what he is, but my family is a different story……. I come from a extremely Mormon family (I grew up in the religion my whole life and about A year and a half ago a decided to leave) I haven’t told any of my family (not even my parents) about his beliefs on the subject….I have danced around the question. He knows this. And he understands why but at the same time I low he feels like I am ashamed of him……but that’s not the case. The LDS people…..are hard to please…..if you aren’t a cookie cutter robot you are a outcast to them (at least where I live anyways) I have had so much sadness come from this belief system and finally I left it. Since then I have been a lot happier with myself. I told my parents this and they ignored it like it wasn’t anything. Hell, I told them I have tired to commit suicide twice and they turned and said I was being childish. Anywho back in track….I have lost friends because I told them I wasn’t Mormon anymore and that my fiancée is a atheist so now I am terrified about telling my parents and my extended family. Now that eventually there will be a wedding it’s only a matter of time before it comes out…..I have lost so much already I’m terrified at losing the last of the remaining support system I have…….for once tumblr I need your opinion am I going about it the right way? Should I wait for it to come out or……should I straight up tell my family and not hide it anymore I have thought long a hard about this………I need opinions and advice.

I feel lonely even on here anymore……..

I wish I had someone who understood what I am going through…it’s hard to stay strong with one person supporting you. Though I know it’s better then none….It still sucks because sometimes they don’t understand……i just want someone that understand my issues….whatever they are

Ask me questions

I’ll answer anything.

Crazy!! But cool.

Crazy!! But cool.

it isnt even worth living…..all i do is quit. or fail or just die….i want to just ends this im so sick of this….

I have never ever fully meant this but i hate you. With such a burning passion i have done everything for you and you don’t do anything in return. Your my parents for god say aren’t you supposed to help your child not just let them sit there and basically drowned in there own sadness. I hate you both so much. The one person that actually tries to help me and your trying to keep me from him. Fuck you guys. I love him and he is the only one that seems to give a damn about my well being. I fucking hate you both. I hope you realize what your doing. You wont until i leave and then you may not even realize what you have done. I hope you die alone and realize that you should have been nicer to me you should have listened to me you should have fucking TRIED TO HELP not make it worse!!!!

This is starting to kill me slowly, why are you so ashamed of the way i dress and act. My Own parents…i just feel soo….hated right now.

I give up. I’m done fighting this battle.

.

I hate this pain…i just want to end it…fucking please can i end it…

I’m waiting for you to get sick of me. To the point where you don’t want anything to do with me anymore. Just like the rest…i don’t want you to end that way i really don’t but im so scared you will neglect me and leave just like everyone else did….

mhhhhhhm

mhhhhhhm

Like it matters, no one will show up if i did a birthday party. I’m to antisocial anymore.

Ok Last Photo For Today. Off To Bed After This One. 

Ok Last Photo For Today. Off To Bed After This One.